help, pretty please!
do i seriously have to get a paid account to be able to view more than one page of friend entries?

does anyone else have any suggestions? i'd much rather be able to read everyone's post in chronological order and not have to read friend by friend by friend.

help me!

it's raining!!!

history repeats itself - fo sho
The other night, Sean took me down memory lane and showed me pictures she has from her childhood all the way through college to her pre-gay days. Yesterday, I logged into LJ and started reading my journal entries from the very first one in Aug. 2003... almost 8 years ago! Alot of it was boring stuff about school, lack of sleep, shitty jobs, dorm life, stupid things my roommates did, and stupid things my family did. Oh, and girl drama. Ugh.

Crap. I just realized that most of the stuff I bitch about now (minus school and dorms) is the same as it was 8 years ago. Well, wasn't that eye opening! :S

I feel good about making positive changes in my life, or at least having a plan to do so. I've been working out 2x a week bootcamp style for the last month and a half. I think this is the first time in my whole damn life I've ever worked out and stuck with it (of course, I slept in today and didn't go). I plan to stick it out with TSA long enough to get my wisdom teeth pulled and pay off a credit card. Sean and I live together now with her roommate, but plan to live on our own soon.

And I'm happy to announce that it finally rained significantly since last September. Man, the sky looked freaky tonight!

cat stuffs, brain stuffs
I watched Juju, my cat, kill a mouse last night. I went to the back door to call her inside, and she came running in with a field mouse in her mouth. She was tossing that poor thing up in the air and scooting it around like she was trying to get to the catnip in a toy. At one point, she darted in with it in her mouth and starting batting it around the kitchen floor. I picked it up by the tail to toss it outside, but she knocked it out of my hands! I didn't care that she was playing with a mouse but I did NOT want her running off and burying it in my bed. I eventually got both Juju and the mouse outside and watched the show from behind the glass. You could tell Juju was showing off for me and that she was so proud she caught a mouse. I started to feel bad for the little guy after a while so I left Juju to it. I came back later to check on her, and she had stopped playing and was now dining. NOM NOM NOM. Juju is a Killer Cat! She left the head by the back door as a present for me. Juju is so thoughtful.

I went on a sweet vacation with Sean to southeastern New Mexico last week. Our goal was to play it cheap. We stayed in a couple of seedy motels, but by the last 2 nights our backs were hurting from the crappy beds, and we splurged a bit on a nicer place. We were in Carlsbad, NM most of the time, checking out the caverns and running around the town. We hit up Ruidoso for a day. Even though we weren't even there for 24 hours, the drive up in the mountains and through the Lincoln National Forest made it worth it.

It stinks to be back at work, though, especially with a holiday tomorrow and everyone at home and me at work. BOO! I don't even care that much about Thanksgiving, I'm more of a Christmas kind of gal. But who wants to be stuck at work in a polyester uniform when everone else is home being comfy?! On a side note, I'm getting restless with work again. Well, maybe its not work but it contributes. I want something to change, like going back to school.

Sean and I have talked casually about her moving in when her lease is up in the spring. One of my roommates wants to break her lease, so it would be a good opportunity for Sean to move in. I've only lived with one other girlfriend (Tanya), so this would be a big deal. I want to make sure we're not doing this out of convenience but because we both feel like our relationship will be long-lasting and this is the next step.

Work is over in 40 minutes. I should probably pretend to be busy or something!

updating the updated
August came and went. I worked out with Sean a couple of times at the weight lifting gym. After the first time, I could hardly walk for 3 days! I did squats, dead lifts, and bench presses. The second time I did squats and overhead presses... and miraculously wasn't sore at all even though I had increased the weight on the squats. It was pretty neat to be able to see improvement just after going 2 times. I was supposed to do what's called a power clean, but I wimped out after watching this video: power clean gone wrong. Bad idea.

I did see an awesome meteor shower, probably the best I've ever seen. There was one meteor that was so huge, I'm almost positive that it broke through the earth's atmosphere. It was a fireball. As it got brighter and brighter, I thought, "Uh.... maybe I should... uh, notify someone?" But I think NASA was on their game that night.

I turned 25 on 8/21! I had a party where I mixed my work pals, family, and queer pals. I think it was a success. Check out my facebook or myspace for pictures. My friend Emma took me to see WICKED! That was incredible! I haven't read the book, but I definitely will now.

While my older sister was in Hawaii, she picked up some coconut syrup and chocolate coconut macadamia nut pancake mix for my younger sister, who wanted to give it to me as a bday gift. I decided to give it a try this morning, and made waffles for Sean and myself. They were delish! The kitchen smelled coconutty afterwards. :)

I've been taking rowing (sculling) lessons for a while, and recently had my 4th and final lesson of team rowing that comes with the package. Now the next step is to sign up for a membership! I made a friend in the last rowing class and we decided to be rowing buddies. I'm the kind of gal that needs to be motivated, and usually a buddy is the way to do it.

Ok, I guess I better do something productive. Boo!

Captain's Log
Sean and I just got back from a "weekend" trip to Corpus Christi. She has passed the roadtrip test with flying colors. :)

The roadtrip test is a test where you determine if a certain person (friend, lover, etc) either annoys the hell out of you or makes you like them even more. You get to see how a person deals with little alone time, stressful situations, planning, flexibility, coordinating, etc.

Sean lost a point by falling asleep an hour into the drive, but given the circumstances (she had work and then worked out earlier that day) I decided to only dock her half a point. Fortunately, that was the only point half point that she lost. She was very helpful with giving directions, was wise in packing a delicious and healthy lunch for us to munch on on the beach, was silly and fun and relaaaxed. She was also willing to try new things - a big plus. She earned many many many points.

She also got a big bonus point for making this roadtrip in my car, which has no radio. Any average person might have cracked under the pressure of not having a radio. Sean is no average person.

Because of our work schedules, we don't get to see each other at normal times of the day. Its either EARLY when she leaves for work or LATE when I get home and both times we're TIRED. Who would of thought it would be so enjoyable to spend time together when you're both not exhausted?!

Anyway, good times were had. I'm looking forward to more!

Damn... its nearly 2am. Gah!

Yesterday was one rough day. Oddly enough, work had nothing to do with my craptastic day. I felt really anti-social and gloomy. There was a going away party for a coworker last night, but I didn't really feel like being around work people. Or people in general.

Sean had a crappy day (week, actually) too. I told her I would take her on a drive just to get out of the city. I haven't had a radio in my car for over a year now, so the silent drives usually yield good conversation. We both got to vent out what was bothering us and felt better afterward.

I decided to take her out to the ranch even though it was after 11:30pm by the time we got there. I showed her the house and some funny pictures of me when I was little. Then we took the straw mat that I keep in my car out and laid it in the grass where there was a clearing and watched the stars. I told her the only rule was that the car conversations were off limits. I think she was as grateful for that rule as I was. We each saw two shooting stars. Pretty cool. :) We must have been out there for an hour or so...

We decided to spend the night instead of driving back so late. And it was a good sleep. We woke up early this morning so she could get back in time to give her dog Bandit his insulin shot. We had a little breakfast and then I went home to get ready for work.

That mini-escape from "reality" has made all the difference. I feel a million times better than yesterday. Funny how the drive that was meant to make Sean feel better had the same effect on me. :)

Gaaaaaah... today is a messed up day.

I've been having lots of bizarre dreams lately about stuff ranging from being covered in oozy rashes to Sean breaking up with me. Real life has been a bit whack too. My roommates have clashing personalities and priorities and I'm stuck in the middle.

I think I may have to get on some birth control. I've never had issues with my mood when I'm on my period until a few months ago. Now I get overly emotional and depressed (fortunately I'm aware of what's going on and don't make a huge ass of myself - much). Maybe birth control isn't the answer, but maybe someone has some suggestions...?

I am a huge creature of habit and am learning that this is not always a good thing. I started taking rowing lessons about 2 weeks ago and really really enjoyed it. Not having to go to work until noon makes it perfect for me to drive the short distance to the dock and go for a row in the morning. I need to break the bad habit of being a lazy bum and start a good habit of rowing.

I told Sean I loved her. She said it back. :)

work it, girl.
i need to appreciate myself more.

i need to reprogram by brain into knowing that just because one person didn't appreciate me doesn't mean that everyone else will act the same way.

i need to believe that i am influential.

i need love and support from myself, as well as from those i care about.

i need to live up to my potential. i need to challenge my potential.

5 minutes of fame
Livejournal is the only (as far as I know) networking/socializing/fun site that work hasn't blocked. I guess its a blessing that semi-anonymous eJournaling has gone down in popularity.

I ran into Jane, an old friend/high school teacher of mine that I hadn't seen in 5 years at work about an hour ago. We were pals after I graduated high school, but drifted away. I actually thought she hated me for whatever reason, but I learned that was not the case. It was weird to look at her because it was HER, obviously, but she looked different... older. She recently got her doctorate and is an assistant professor at Texas State University. I'm sure that would add a few wrinkles.

Since I see so many people at the airport, I'm going to start doing a "person of the day" entry. It will be about one passenger that I saw that stuck out for some reason. Its a chance for someone to get their 5 minutes of fame (or 3, or 2 depending on how fast you read.)

PERSON OF THE DAY - Granny Body Builder
She had bleached blonde hair, a brown tanktop with lace and rinestones, skin tight jeans, and high heels. Her skin was wrinkly with age and tanning beds. She looked like she was in her mid-sixties, but I think the brown alligator skin and all the makeup made her look older than she really is. She had one of the smallest asses I've ever seen - all muscle though - paired with wide muscular shoulders. Her arms had the definition of a mans. You could tell that she had some "medical enhancements" done.

I'm physically calm but my brain isn't. I keep thinking about the tif with Julie. I'm trying not to take anything personally and just let it go. Trying to figure out why I'm so angry and tell myself that I really didn't waste a year.


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